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"MY INAUGURATION"

Eighteen beers and off to bed. Why eighteen you might ask, because I know when to say when. At 6:00am sharp, I’m awakened by my wife. Her name is Maxine, she calls herself Laverne but everyone knows her as Kimmie. “Big day honey, time to get ready.” She refreshes my memory and it turns out, today is my presidential inauguration. It comes back to me that a year or two ago, I lost a round of rock, paper, scissors in a tavern, thus my running for and winning POTUS.


The vetting process is a rigorous one. In a two hour interview with the F.B.I., I finally convinced them although guilty of the charge, I didn’t fully understand in first grade calling a classmate, Linda, a “big fat queer” was a bad thing or entirely knew what it meant. The youthful indiscretion was scrubbed from my record with an understanding of my position on ‘blue lives matter.’ A billion dollars was mentioned somewhere.


Kimmie and one of my aides quizzed me on my inauguration speech. “I would like to have a hamburger named after me,” would apparently not be included on the teleprompter.


Travel Ban: Have at it.

Regulations, E.P.A. etc.:I want to extend the life expectancy of earth from ten years to fifty.

Election Fraud:This is the first I’ve heard of it.

Black female VEEP:I was surprised as the next fella, women had gotten the vote, much less…

Diversified Cabinet:I want my staff to reflect the face of America, blah, blah, blah. Kimmie said this was the way to go.


What I did know was that a POTUS need not be brilliant but rather a conduit from a bank of brilliance. A successful POTUS formulates and clearly articulates a mission statement and after using all resources, places a plan of action into effect. A seemingly inane idea tossed out in a brainstorming session may give birth to a solution when properly nurtured to a full understanding. A POTUS, by the very nature of the job is in the spotlight but an effort to increase that time centerstage, with time or energy sacrificed by issues and/or results can be devastating.


On a night at the symphony you may see the conductor’s management prompt applause but it’s the bass drum or flute that pays the bills and receives the standing Os. Like the conductor, the POTUS keeps the country on time, in order and safe.


The inauguration went off without a hitch and during my first week I had a staff meeting. My chief of staff brought the meeting to order and we were going to discuss the White House agenda. I started out by asking how a fella gets a hamburger named after him.

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