Mary Margaret had searched for the perfect fella forever. Never able to find that one man who made the sun shine and the bells ring when they were together. At forty years, she was wary along her journey, lest she lose her heart to someone lesser than her ideal, she nevertheless continued on. She did manage to accumulate four kids during her soulful hunt.
Philbert on the other hand, found himself avoiding any ‘long term’ relationship. So steadfast, his mantra was tattoed on his chest, “HIT’EM AND QUIT’EM.” Being of modest physique, the body art began at his right breast and continued under his left arm pit. At only thirty three years old, his hairline was receding like it owed his forehead money.
One beautiful summer day, a higher power, karma, fate, call it what you may, brought these two crazy kids together at the county fair, right smack dab in the beer tent. Both on a mission to mooch a beer, Philbert offered to help move some empty beer kegs for the proprietor. Straining as if performing a seven hundred pound deadlift, perspiration was dripping off Philbert. Fearing a hernia and lawsuit, the proprietor shaking his head, told Philbert,”sit down, I suppose your girlfriend’s thirsty too, huh?” Philbert’s eyes shifted left and right, would he have to share a second beer? He took the beers to their table and by the time he said, “you probably don’t drink do…,” Mary Margaret had drained three quarters of her glass.
The chemistry was intense and immediate. Mary Margaret deftly snagged a twenty dollar bill from a woman’s purse and Philbert returned the favor to the proprietor by clearing tips off the bar whilst the operator retrieved a keg from the cooler. As if this union was officially annointed, they found fourteen dollars in the grass under someone else’s table that Mary Margaret wrestled away from a twelve year old.
Admiring her very exposed cleavage, Philbert could only wonder why in hell she even bothered to put a shirt on today. Her generous breasts were matched only by her ax handle wide behind. They gazed into each other’s eyes, Mary Margaret in love, Philbert in heat but a different kind of heat. Of course he wanted to mount this gorgeous specimen but tattoo be damned, he thought he might like to stay afterwards. Philbert had often stayed after sex to score a free breakfast but could it be that he would talk to her as well? She would give her love and he would take her pants off. Mary Margaret felt she had indeed found her soulmate and father figure for her children, whom she would mention some other time. Philbert was industrious, a furniture builder albeit between jobs, having worked in the furniture factory in prison would be something he would mention some other time.
After spending every last penny and both falling down drunk, Philbert took exception that his ‘lofty’ credit rating was not recognized here and challenged the new bartender to a fight. She knocked Philbert for a loop and Mary Margaret tended to her fallen gladiator, cursing at the bartender the whole time.
After three years, Mary Margaret bared her soul and admitted the four children were hers and not her sister’s she was watching for the weekend. Philbert, revealed his ex-convict status although Mary Margaret had, had her suspicions. Everytime it was Philbert’s turn to cook, the meal featured Ramen Noodles and his tattoo was spelled quit’em with a C. Now fifteen years in, their relationship maintains the magic of the day they met and Philbert threw up in the back of a police cruiser.
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