"IN MY OPINION"
To be smacked square in the kisser with, “don’t worry about life, you’re not gonna live through it anyway,” is an ass kicker. I suppose a fella knew it all along. A common sense issue if there ever was one. The comment brings chuckles, knowing nods and nonchalant agreement. Yet secretly, perhaps subconsciously, at least to a degree, we conduct our lives as if we’re going to live forever. No, this isn’t an insurance commercial. I have neither a salamander or emu on hand..
As children it isn’t even a thought. Teen years and the military perhaps in the offing, it takes on a degree of tangibility. A passing thought for me at the time, as I was preoccupied with gaining entry to my girlfriend’s bra. Age of course is relative as illustrated by my sixty eight year old ass considering, “getting on in years,” not applicable for anyone under eighty.
Some begrudgingly accept mortality and attempt a game of “catch up,” with their higher power. It’s like thinking, if I can stick with the commandments, throughout, I can still achieve a passing grade. Satisfied with your internal and sacred decision, you may rest at ease. And what better time to begin my trek to salvation than tomorrow. I’ve looked the situation over and found the only sure trip tik, is being baptized and having your head held under. I have conceded, the big guy is not going to come over to my way of thinking. If he is the true God I believe, he will take into consideration the promises I fulfilled (church attendance, good deeds, etc.) I know I was not the only teenager that made pledges outside his credit limit for young ladies to have periods.
I generously accept mortality, as if the matter were up in the air and hadn’t been decided yet. Current events certainly give one pause, about cleaning up one’s act, before the bus leaves. I have personally never seen a time deserving reflection, such as this. Dreaming about a train conductor waving his lamp, “all aboard for the pearly gates, NOT SO FAST KING,” is disconcerting.
I find the bible good reading, particularly after injecting my interpretation of what I believe it means. Nothing is more satisfying as agreement amongst a quorum, that this or that was the intention of a particular bible passage. Not so surprisingly refreshing, is after adopting my clarification, it turns out I’m living life nearly perfectly.
I realize God’s advisors may be zeroing in on the early chapters of my life. I pocketed the quarter each week, earmarked for the collection basket and treated myself to two donuts and a chocolate milk next door at ‘Becker’s Donut Shop’’. I then spent a week fearing a bolt of lightning touching down on my forehead. I am a poster boy for living to a hundred and ten and shall therefore begin my canonization caravan, sometime after cocktails. Break a leg.
Please accept as humor and an observation of human nature in lieu of blasphemy.