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  • WJ King

BE NICE TO PEOPLE, OR...

A murder occured in my neighborhood this morning. Specifically, it was my next door neighbor

who expired. A nasty woman to be sure, with a lovely daughter who certainly didn’t deserve the

constant verbal thrashings and who knows what other abuse. I was on my porch in my lawn

chair drinking coffee when the abuse next door gained volume, as their front door opened. The

nasty woman gave the child a bit of a shove and she tripped down the steps cutting her knee.

The child ran to the waiting school bus, likely happy to find some peace. I must acknowledge,

the push from the nasty woman had ruffled my feathers, as it were. I went inside for a few

moments, re-emerged and went next door and knocked on the door. I stepped inside sans any

invitation. I followed her into the bathroom and sliced the rude woman’s throat. Later in the day I

met the school bus and with the little girl recognizing me, fabricated a tale. The little girl took my

hand and we walked three blocks and had a charming little talk. We found ourselves in front of

an ice cream parlor and by consensus agreed to go in for a sundae.

A policeman came in for coffee. I excused myself and sat next to him at the soda bar. I told him

about violent noises I had heard from my neighbor’s house and gave him both our addresses. I

returned to my friend and as luck would have it, she said a second sundae would be fine.

The police would return within minutes of course to find the little girl enjoying her sundae and a

comic book. Search as they might, they wouldn’t find me. They would find the nasty woman, in

her bath tub and in my house two more also formerly among the living. I had moved in with the

Miller’s a month past. They were fine roommates until Mr. Miller somehow slipped his gag. The

otherwise superb roommate inexplicably pelted me with cross words and the damage was done.

I am not an animal, ergo they are resting comfortably in the freezer chest.

A man sitting next to me on this plane has been awfully snippy to the stewardess…We’ll land

soon.

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